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This year signifies a ten-year milestone since the word “vanishing” entered the public consciousness. At the time, the notion that someone could abruptly cease contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the height of indignity. We were so innocent. In the decade since, seeking a mate has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes pointless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by online lingo.

Zoomers, a demographic who matured during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted assault on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their millennial predecessors could ever imagine. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your sanity.

Below is a detailed breakdown to the phrases Zoomers is using to talk about love, intimacy and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most viral online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Authenticity – According to gen Z, romance's gold standard is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a test developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your date's reply is engaged or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This means seeking out someone who helps you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A outing where two people connect while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do low-cost dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 80s yuppie affluence, it describes pairs who forgo having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of playing it cool: embracing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Behavioral habits suggesting a prospective partner is bad news. For instance calling their exes crazy, subpar tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits confirm your decision to pursue a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, owning a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, largely harmless idiosyncrasies. Such as being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their bag, paying the rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who despises the same things or people that you do (nothing builds closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The rare partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women’s increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and often mundane turnoffs that immediately kill any sense of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet display.

J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy authentic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {